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Spork on VH1 Behind the music?
posted by Santa on Jan-12-2004 at 01:54 PM

So now that you guys have been playing together for about 8-10 years, is there any shot at a “VH1 Behind the Music” special that will cover the life and times of Spork as we know it? I mean, you have to have had the ups and downs necessary by now. For example:

After years of sold out shows around the world (read: practices with two or three people watching in garages and basements), the band was rocked due to its lead guitarists move to Northern Virginia, only to have him return triumphantly for a four week long session after purchasing a house to "get back to basics" in the groups' original home town of Columbia, MD. He thought he had wasted all of his money on his obsession with prostitutes, drugs, and console gaming systems, but luck turned his way. Years before he had put billions into Dot Com stock like DrKoop.com, Mr Wakeup.com, and Pets.com and had completely forgotten about it. He cashed out and received his $200,000, enough money to purchase a modest mansion with a recording studio (read: computer with a microphone) and enough room for the band to hang out and even to live there if they so choose (and pay rent, there is no such thing as a free lunch event if you are eating with the perfect utensil). Now that Spork is back to their roots they are ready to begin work on their newest and potentially most successful venture... a CD of PBS childrens programming theme songs covered as only Spork can!

I mean seriously, this story practically writes itself.

Rock over London, Rock on Chicago....
Milk, it does a body good!

In front of the music
reply posted on Jan-26-2004 at 04:51 PM

Well, unfortunately the true Spork Behind the Music special would have none of the interesting things you spoke of. In fact, most of your details are entirely inaccurate,

It's true that Nate moved to Northern Virginia for a few months. But to say that the band was "rocked" by that experience is a bit of an overstatement. In fact, we hadn't even realized Nate left, until you wrote.

Second, our original home town is not Columbia MD. It's Baltimore. Or DC. Someplace infinitely more marketable.

And while no one denies Nate's gaming problems, he never spends his own money on prostitutes. And nobody put any money into DrKoop.com. Not even Mrs. Koop.

Nate's current residence does not have a studio, nor a microphone attached to a computer. And no band members are paying rent. EVER!

In fact, the only thing you got right was the PBS childrens programming theme songs compilation. But to this point, we've only managed to record Adam screaming "HEEEEYYYY YOOOOOUUUUU GUUUUUYYYYYS!"

Oh, and please don't call yourself a Spork fan if you're going to support the competition. Milk does not do a body good. In fact, it is filled with various hormones and genetically-altered pigments which I believe can cause Mad Cow Disease.

Water. Because nobody wants to see a "T-Shirt Contest."

Thanks for writing,

Blaise from Spork