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Spork talks back!!

You've got something to say - we've got to make fun of it.

Are you there Spork, it's me Foxy
posted by Foxy Vandenburg on Mar-06-2004 at 07:36 PM

Dear "band":

I am writing on behalf of each and every one of your 6 fans. I have stood by you since I first cast my ears upon that PoGo song. I practically threw "Four Pronged Attack" at everyone I knew to get the word out. I have curled up on the floor of that freezing practice room at McDaniel college and listened and cheered and sang along. I risked life and limb to travel in the snow, up hill both ways, to be there for your first studio recording. And for what? What, I ask. For you. I believed in you, Spork. And now, you seem to have deserted me. You seem to have deserted us. Your fans. I have heard nothing about new gigs or "practices," as you sometimes called them. I have heard of no new recording sessions...
We are still here, Spork, and now I ask, no, we ask, where are you?

Heartbroken in MD,
F.V.

We hear, and we answer
reply posted on Mar-26-2004 at 03:55 PM

Foxy, you are not alone in your outrage and despair over the lack of Spork in today's society. But your estimate of 6 other fans sharing your despair is likely exaggerated.

2 maybe 3 others at most.

This weekend, Spork takes up the reigns of all that is good and pure in the music industry, and begins in earnest to pick up the pieces of the hearts of its shattered fans.

You, and all our loyal fans have waited patiently, and I say now that that waiting will be rewarded! Perhaps not with actual shows or forthcoming EPs, but certainly with an inner-peace knowing that somewhere, somehow, someway, Spork has overcome the obstacles and will play again!

It is for fans like you, Foxy, that Spork plays. For people like you, that we get up at noon and drive to an undisclosed location to make mistake after musical mistake. For Sporkees like yourself that we will never, ever give up!

Until we sign that contract, and then it's all about the money baby! Fans be damned!

Thanks for writing,

Spork